i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
