Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
