Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
