I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
