mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
