They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
