I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
