dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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