well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
