There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
