I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
