Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
