He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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