dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
