he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize