I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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