So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
