I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
