these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
