Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
