Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
