I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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