Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I met the friendliest cop last night
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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