Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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