wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
