The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
