Is it because I queefed?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
