Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
