Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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