apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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