This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something