The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
