____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.