I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dating After Heartbreak
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection