Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?