the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
