I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
