forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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