Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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