Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
