That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
