Little spoons don't ask big questions
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
