Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.

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(647): a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much. http://tfl.nu/8vwu

Replies (79) Good night (4176) Bad night (786)
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(305): View more from Florida

I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"

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(305): I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez" http://tfl.nu/8edj

Replies (18) Good night (6892) Bad night (1367)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

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(609): I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun. http://tfl.nu/l7dj

Replies (14) Good night (3557) Bad night (787)
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(520): View more from Arizona

His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now

(310): View more from California

Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...

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(520): His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now (310): Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok... http://tfl.nu/uoe6

Replies (14) Good night (4278) Bad night (1048)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.

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(502): he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel. http://tfl.nu/c4zc

Replies (42) Good night (1526) Bad night (4858)
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(316): View more from Kansas

So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses

(1-316): View more from Kansas

That sounds dangerous

(316): View more from Kansas

Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.

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(316): So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses (1-316): That sounds dangerous (316): Don't worry......were wearing oven mits. http://tfl.nu/woxn

Replies (9) Good night (4489) Bad night (888)
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(512): View more from Texas

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.

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(512): Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie. http://tfl.nu/3ijz

Replies (18) Good night (7626) Bad night (1146)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Are my feet made of real feet?

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(740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext

Replies (17) Good night (5754) Bad night (1027)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.

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(678): I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though. http://tfl.nu/25nt

Replies (10) Good night (3557) Bad night (1145)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

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(308): this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous http://tfl.nu/2tix

Replies (16) Good night (744) Bad night (2898)
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(937): View more from Ohio

The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.

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(937): The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it. http://tfl.nu/hbg0

Replies (9) Good night (2492) Bad night (861)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics

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(215): I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics http://tfl.nu/7hhz

Replies (7) Good night (1015) Bad night (349)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.

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(302): I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats. http://tfl.nu/iukq

Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (168)
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(818): View more from California

I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.

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(818): I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish. http://tfl.nu/82ma

Replies (3) Good night (369) Bad night (687)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.

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(765): I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying. http://tfl.nu/f7nf

Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (287)

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