Texts From Last Night

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  (863): View more from Florida

  Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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  (863): Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/werm
  Replies (9) Good night (917) Bad night (1935)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis

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  (631): I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis http://tfl.nu/1ywh
  Replies (17) Good night (4532) Bad night (640)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.

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  (905): Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes. http://tfl.nu/qzyp
  Replies (12) Good night (954) Bad night (3842)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room

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  (850): I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room http://tfl.nu/xiwe
  Replies (15) Good night (1354) Bad night (4166)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Oh Jesus.

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  (219): Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa (708): Oh Jesus. http://tfl.nu/7sg2
  Replies (9) Good night (2516) Bad night (919)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents

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  (814): the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents http://tfl.nu/oebu
  Replies (3) Good night (1922) Bad night (606)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?

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  (757): SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get? http://tfl.nu/a9m1
  Replies (12) Good night (1202) Bad night (1216)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness

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  (815): Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/w2dw
  Replies (2) Good night (1289) Bad night (950)
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  (415): View more from California

  Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.

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  (415): Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity. http://tfl.nu/w288
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (441)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.

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  (647): I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing. http://tfl.nu/o75l
  Replies (2) Good night (469) Bad night (790)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We can Fuck in the shower to save time

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.

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  (262): We can Fuck in the shower to save time (1-262): And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative. http://tfl.nu/wr55
  Replies (5) Good night (1443) Bad night (334)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five

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  (705): He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five http://tfl.nu/qd6j
  Replies (0) Good night (601) Bad night (268)
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  (661): View more from California

  This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.

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  (661): This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas. http://tfl.nu/nydy
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (416)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.

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  (248): People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves. http://tfl.nu/gb5a
  Replies (2) Good night (313) Bad night (668)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (774): so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/ddu7
  Replies (4) Good night (732) Bad night (191)

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