Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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