Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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