i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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