This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
