im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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