Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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