Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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