remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
