It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
