I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
is it fun? or sober?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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