Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
worst night to have a conscience
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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