i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
