Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
