oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are all done wearing pants today
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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