am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
