I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have demons in me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
