i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
