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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.