I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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