Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me