smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we made out on top of his cat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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