o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
