I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
