singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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