Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
