My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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