and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
