you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
