just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
