We're like a lot better than the average bears
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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