It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
