I smell stomach acid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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