I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
