Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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