I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
