Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
