so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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