My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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