im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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