Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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