Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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