fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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