Swine flu is the new snow day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
