hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
