hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
