I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
