my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
