I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
