i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
