Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
