Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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